x
x
News
About Us
Events
Archives
x





x


Hampton Roads' Biggest "Born & Raised" Know-It-All!

The Downtowner Answerman

Dear Downtowner Answerman,

I took my little daughter to see Santa Claus recently at one of those big stores in Virginia Beach and she started crying while sitting on Santa’s lap. She told me later that she is not afraid of Santa Claus. My little girl said the problem was that Santa had bad breath and she was trying to get off his lap. Is it okay for someone to tell Santa that he has bad breath?

-- Concerned on Tidewater Drive

Dear Concerned,

Yes, Santa should know that his breath is making some little children cry. But break it to him gently. Perhaps you can call Mrs. Claus and explain the situation to her. You can also recommend Smart mouth (mouth wash) so Santa will be back to his normal self. After Santa gets his work done on Christmas Eve and takes all of the children of the world toys and gives them Joy and Happiness, you can then take him over to Smartmouth Brewery and buy him a well deserved beer. My favorite there is Cowcatcher Milk Stout. anks for writing and have a very Merry Christmas.

Dear Downtowner Answerman,

I’ve got an odd sized mattress and I can’t find a fitted sheet that fits. I put the sheet on one corner of the mattress and it comes off when I try to put it on the other side. Then I walk to the other side of the bed and secure the fitted sheet on that corner, and POOF! It comes o again. What should I do?

-- Mist on Colley Avenue.

Dear Mist on Colley,

You sound a little frantic, pal. Like you might be having a fit yourself. You can get through this. If it’s a queen size bed, remember that Queen Elizabeth has no trouble at all making her bed. I think you can learn to do this as well. Never give up. Jump on your bed and have a pillow fight with yourself.

Return to top


x
x

x   x   x

Carrol Walker's Old Norfolk
BRRR - Bring on the Snow!
>>more

King Neptune Through History
>>more

Local Court Reporting Business Organizes Second Fundraiser for Norfolk SPCA Featuring The Fuzz Band
>>more

x
Mid-Dec. 2017 -
Mid-Jan. 2018
x
x

 
x