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Hampton Roads' Biggest "Born & Raised" Know-It-All!

The Downtowner Answerman

Dear Downtowner Answerman,

Have you written any great poems lately?
-- Sara Lee, Spotswood Avenue

Dear Sara Lee,

Yes, Sara Lee. Here is the first verse especially for you:

Snap beans are green and bananas are yellow and your bad breath makes me an unhappy fellow.

Try some of that cinnamon mouth wash down at the dollar store and I’ll pick you up next Friday, baby doll. Thanks for the note.

Dear Downtowner Answerman,

I was riding my bike recently on the Elizabeth River Bike Trail and saw a group of miniature elephants frolicking in Plum Point Park. I’ve never seen miniature elephants before. What’s the deal?
--Sweaty Betty, Raleigh Avenue

Dear Sweaty Betty,

I think you’ve been smoking some of that wildwood weed that grows every spring along the bike trail. Stop that puffing, Betty girl.

Dear Downtowner Answerman,

They are predicting fewer lightning bugs this June. Do you know why?
-- Bugeyes, Greenway Court

Dear Bugeyes on Greenway,

I was wondering the same thing. Last summer as I sat in my backyard sipping on an outdated bottle of Ripple wine, I noticed I was more lit up than the few lightning bugs that I managed to see. I suppose it’s because of that mad scientist who set up shop last year over by the railroad yard. Lord knows what he’s up to. I’m hoping for brighter times ahead. pal. Thanks for writing.

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March 2017
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